Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will be 10 weeks.

I wonder if it's normal that I still feel infertile? I mean, I'm pregnant. I'm finally (hopefully) going to have 2 sweet babies to hold in a few months.

And yet, I still feel infertile. I don't feel like I think my friends felt when they were pregnant- full of hope and excitement. I still feel broken, like there's something wrong with me.

I wonder if I'll always feel that way?

I guess maybe I'm glad that I do. This infertility is a big part of my story now. I've grown and changed so much because of it, that forgetting it would be impossible.

And I never want to forget how grateful I am for the miracle of life. Because for me, it truly is a miracle.

Graduation

Last week at our 7 week appointment with the RE, she gave me a hug and handed me a package that read, 'Graduate' on it.

So strange. I never dreamed we'd be successful with IVF the first time around, and that things would go so (mostly) smoothly that they would release me at 7 weeks!

The best part of the day (of course) was getting to hear my babies' heartbeats again, this time with my husband holding my hand. Baby A at 144 bpm, Baby B at 150 bpm.

One of the hardest things about leaving the RE is that I have come to know them all so well, and also I love the comfort of knowing I can pick up the phone and immediately talk to my nurse about any concerns. So I've been afraid of heading back to the BIG OB practice.

But an amazing thing happened- the day my doctor got my file back from the RE, she picked up the phone and personally called me to congratulate me, and to say she is looking forward to seeing me again. Well, all I have to say is that had to have been God, easing my fears, giving me peace about this next step.

Last night was my last PIO shot. My rear is THRILLED at the prospect, because Holy Cow, I have no more real estate left without bruises or knots.

So now I'm on Crinone gel. Which I gotta say, is more expensive, rather gross, but a whole lot less painful!