decisions

I went to the doctor again 2 weeks ago. And she said "things are not going how I expected them to go". Which, obviously, wasn't all that encouraging.

Apparently my lining is too thin for an egg to implant. Great. She hopes it has to do with Clomid. Sometimes Clomid thins it. So now we do a smaller dosage and see if I still ovulate... Which means another month of trial and error and ultrasound and hcg.

I mentioned going to the fertililty center, she seemed to think that wasn't really necessary at this point, that we WILL get pregnant. We just need to work everything out. Unfortunately, that takes time. And I kinda wanted to be pregnant, you know, 3 years ago.

But I guess that's neither here nor there. We are where we are.

And God promises to be Good and Faithful through it all.

If only I could translate that from my head to my heart. Because honestly? I'm discouraged. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm heartbroken. I'm in pain.

But at the same time, I know I need to believe His truth. I need to remember that my life isn't about ME. It's about HIM. His plan will bring Him glory. And honestly, who am I that I shouldn't suffer?