the good and the bad

Last Tuesday was a rotten day. I went out with my 2 best friends, one of whom is pregnant with her first, the other has two already. I choked back tears all night, trying to propel the conversation away from babies. But honestly, when a girl is pregnant with her first, there is pretty much nothing else that she can talk about.

I hope that one day if I'm pregnant I'm not like that.

Last Wednesday was a great day. I went out with 3 friends from way back, but whom I hardly ever see. One of them has 2 adopted children after years of infertility. The other 2 have no kids. The mom of the group just kept telling us how time and money is no longer hers- all her energy goes to her kids first, and that sometimes it's hard not to resent it.

It was awesome for once to hear that perhaps being a mother is hard too... I tend to focus on it as some wonderful thing that will change my life (and that is true). But it is also a stressful thing that will change my life.

I came away with an appreciation for my time with my husband, and time to do projects around the house, and time to sleep in. I guess I need to enjoy it while I can.

I started my period on Friday, and this month I hadn't even hoped to be pregnant because of the lining issue. So when it came, it wasn't too distressing.

To be honest, I did break down a little today at a poem I read. But the good news is that I haven't cried in a week. That's about 7 times longer than usual.