resentment

I have 7 close girlfriends from college. 5 of them live within 30 minutes of me, and getting together with them has always been a pleasure.

But lately I've been dreading us all getting together. I brace myself for questions, I divert conversation away from me, I suffer through endless stories of their children. And when I leave them, I cry all the way home.

I guess I always thought that if there was a major struggle in my life, that I would be able to talk to these friends about it.

But not this. I am the only one without kids, most of them have more than one at this point.

And I hate to say it, but I am really beginning to resent them for it. I'm bitter that I'm the last child-less one. I'm not part of their club. I'm the outsider.

In fact, I'd be happy to not see them very often. Not ever, in fact.

I know that makes me sound awful. I know in my mind that it IS awful. But my heart can't help it. It's too broken.