tomorrow

So I spotted yesterday.

And I cramped last week.

Every single twinge makes me freak out. I spend too much time googling.

I hate this so much.

Right after the transfer I was so relaxed and optimistic. But as the days have passed, I feel the pessimism creeping back in.

I toss and turn at night, convinced I'm not pregnant.

I begin the spiral of self doubt. I guess it really IS my fault that we can't get pregnant, right?

And despite knowing that these babies are in the hands of my heavenly Father, I still feel like I must have done something wrong.

Of course, every now and then, I think about the fact that I really could be pregnant. And ironically, then I start to cry, because I realize how dumb that is, and how there's NO WAY that could be. I chastise myself for high expectations.

Tomorrow can't come soon enough.

I thought the 2WW after the IUI's was hard, but that was NOTHING compared to this.

The days have never been more angst-ridden and long.

Tomorrow, please hurry!